Tales from the Darkside (1990)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

 

 

VERDICT – 3/5

 

 


PROS –
1) A young boy is captured by a modern-day witch, and the witch is planning to cook him for the dinner party. To stall her plan, the boy tells her three horror stories.
2) Cat from Hell – A hitman hired by a wealthy man to kill a cat. While the story is mediocre, the entire sequence where the cat kills the hitman by forcing itself down his throat and into his stomach was horrifying.
3) Lover’s Vow – A folklore sort of story where a demon spares a man’s life when he swears never to reveal what he saw or describe its appearance to anyone. The final scene where Carola begins transforming back into the monster is an achievement for the special effect team. The scene rivals the transformation scene from An American Werewolf in London (1981).

 

 

CONS –
1) Lot 249 – Michael McDowell failed to give justice to Arthur Conan Doyle’s classic horror short story. Even with a good star-cast, the screenplay and execution is childish. The iconic story deserves a full-length movie.

 

 

QUOTE –
Carola: You promised you’d never tell!

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 1
CULT – 0

Verdict – 3/5

Pros –
1) Introduction of Statesman: American cousins of Kingsman
2) Supporting Cast: Jeff Bridges, Pedro Pascal
3) Elton John’s extended cameo – Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting
4) Some good action sequences

 

Cons –
1) Similar story to its prequel – A insane villain trying to take over the world.

 

Quote –
President of the United States: Let the junkie scum go down in flames!

Boogie Nights (1997)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 1

Verdict – 3/5

 

Pros –

 

1) Heather Graham as “Rollergirl” – An Iconic Character
2) The Raging Bull type final monologue scene with “big” revelation.
3) Goodfellas without the gangsters and narration.

 

Cons –

 

1) Poor man’s Pulp Fiction
2) Too long for a mediocre story-line
3) Too many unwanted characters with no significance in the plot

 

Quote –

 

Floyd Gondolli: I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That’s just me. That’s just something that I enjoy.

Children of Men (2006)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

Verdict – 2/5

Pros –

1) Cinematography : long shots
2) Depiction of future and possible issues
3) Michael Caine as Jasper Palmer
4) Peter Mullan as Syd
Cons –

1) Boring story with a dud climax
2) Highly over-rated
Quote –
“Jasper: Theo’s faith lost out to chance. So, why bother if life’s going to make its own choices?”

Non-Stop (2014)

Non-Stop

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

Verdict – 2/5

Pros –
1) Vintage Liam Neeson playing one man army. He’s the new Charles Bronson.
2) Flight Factor.

 

Cons –
1) A promising start and disastrous climax.
2) The motive of revenge failed to capitalize.
3) Julianne Moore wasted.

 

Quote –
Bill Marks: I hate flying.

Crazy, Stupid, Love. (2011)

Crazy, Stupid, Love.

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 1
CULT – 0

Verdict – 3/5

Pros –
1) “Revenge” (featuring The Flaming Lips) – Dark Night of the Soul
2) Plot-Twist
3) Analeigh Tipton
4) It’s more coming-of-age than a Rom-Com-Drama

 

Cons –
1) Hitch Sub-Plot
2) Weak main plot

 

Quote –
Cal: What a cliché.

Don Jon (2013)

Don Jon

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 1

Verdict –3 /5

Pros –
1) Opening Credit
2) pornhub.com brand integration
3) Extremely awesome first-half
4) JGL’s de-niro-eye-brows

 

Cons –
1) Julianne Moore
2) Dead Climax

 

Quote –
“every guy watches porn”

Assassins (1995)

Assassins

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 1

 

VERDICT – 4/5

 

PROS –
1) Antonio Banderas’ swag in all its glory.
2) Great cinematography and some good action scenes.  This movie is high on style.
3) It’s a classic 90s action extravaganza which will attract viewers every time it’s on TV.

 

CONS –
N/A

 

 

QUOTE –
Once upon a time, there was this little sparrow, who while flying south for the winter froze solid and fell to the ground. And then to make matters worse the cow crapped on him, but the manure was all warm and it defrosted him. So there he is, he’s warm and he’s happy to be alive and he starts to sing. A hungry cat comes along and he clears off the manure and he looks at the little bird and then he eats him. And the moral of the story is this: everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy, and everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend, and if you’re warm and happy wherever you are you should just keep your big mouth shut.