Wheels on Meals (1984)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

 

VERDICT – 3/5

 
PROS –
1) A fun-filled action-comedy shot in scenic Barcelona. Two food-truck operators entangled between a gang and an imbecile private investigator.
2) Lola Forner as Sylvia is a femme fatale.
3) Final battle: Jackie Chan vs Benny Urquidez.

 

CONS –
N/A

 

 

QUOTE –
Moby: My condition is that I accept all your conditions.

Spenser Confidential (2020)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

VERDICT – 2/5

 
PROS –
1) One time watch Sunday afternoon action movie with a possibility of a sequel.
2) The team of Spenser-Hawk is like a modern version Sherlock-Watson duo on steroid.

 
CONS –
1) A half-baked effort from Peter Berg.
2) Alan Arkin wasted.

 
QUOTE –
The FBI does not solve crime, they manage them. They play some big abstract game, trying to trade-up for some vague masterplan, a big fish, which they never do.

Shaft (2019)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

 

VERDICT – 2/5

 
PROS –
1) Good ol’ fun-action watch with all juicy dialogues from Samuel L. Jackson enough to burn the entire snowflakes generation. No doubt the movie got better audiences ratings on Rotten Tomatoes.

 
CONS –
1) Tediously formulaic plot.

 
QUOTE –
John Shaft II: I’m an equal-opportunity ass-whooper!

Mard Ko Dard Nahin Hota (2019)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 1
CULT – 0

VERDICT – 3/5

 
PROS –
1) “Nakhrewali” action scene
2) Experimental music
3) Fresh slow-motion action scenes
4) The entire personality cult of Karate Mani

 

CONS –
1) Too much time wasted in built up.
2) Abhimanyu Dassani as Surya: expressionless actor
3) Vasan Bala tried making a cult movie on purpose.

 

QUOTE –
“har mind-blowing life ke pichhe kuch bahut burey decisions hotey hain”

The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 0
ACTOR – 0
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

Verdict – 0/5

 

Pros –
1) Tess post-script monologue is a well-written piece. Sadly, this character neither got a proper execution nor screentime.
2) Final Trapeze fight.

 

Cons –
1) Both lead actors are unfunny. Also, the jokes are without punchlines. The only funny character in this 117 minutes ordeal was the obese Finnish backpacker.
2) The movie just copied the Jude Law plot-twist from Spy (2015).
3) Ivanna Sakhno as Nadedja – token European weirdo villain.

 

Quote –
Audrey: How do you change gear?
Morgan: What’s a gear?

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 1
CULT – 0

Verdict – 3/5

Pros –
1) Introduction of Statesman: American cousins of Kingsman
2) Supporting Cast: Jeff Bridges, Pedro Pascal
3) Elton John’s extended cameo – Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting
4) Some good action sequences

 

Cons –
1) Similar story to its prequel – A insane villain trying to take over the world.

 

Quote –
President of the United States: Let the junkie scum go down in flames!

Black Dynamite (2009)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 1

 

VERDICT – 4/5

 

PROS –
1) The “Code Kansas” decoding scene – the best part of the movie.
2) Funny names – Cream Corn, Tasty Freeze, Gunsmoke, Bullhorn, etc.
3) Kung-Fu Treachery!
4) Not just a spoof of the blaxploitation films, it was a lot like the grind-house experiments done by Tarantino and Rodriguez.

 

CONS –
N/A

 

 

QUOTE –
Black Dynamite: Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only outmatched by your zest for kung-fu treachery!

Killing Gunther (2017)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 0
ACTOR – 0
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

 

Verdict – 0/5

 

Pros –

 

1) Bobby Moynihan as Donnie – Only actor trying to do some comedy in this mess.

 

Cons –

 

1) Filming Style from “The Office”
2) Old irritating jokes

 

Quote –

 

Donnie: Boom goes the dynamite.

The Hitman’s Bodyguard (2017)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 1
CULT – 0

Verdict – 3/5

 

Pros –

 

1) Music – not great but at least they tried
2) The Surprise odd couple – Samuel L. Jackson & Salma Hayek
3) Gary Oldman as Dukhovich – unrecognizable !

 

Cons –

 

1) A similar comic theme like last years’ under-rated The Nice Guys – but this movie is burdened with a cliched plot.
2) Generic potboiler – One-time watch only.

 

 

Quote –

 

Michael Bryce: This guy single-handedly ruined the word motherfucker.

Central Intelligence (2016)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 0
ACTOR – 0
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

Verdict – 0/5

Pros –
1) Cameos: Aaron Paul & Melissa McCarthy
2) Kumail Nanjiani & Kevin Hart Airport scene.

 

Cons –
1) Generic Kevin Hart. Seems like a Ride Along spin-off
2) Predictable
3) CGI fat Rock will be funny? No thank you.
4) I guess they are planning a sequel.

 

Quote –
Bob Stone: Phil, when this thing is over, I’m going to rip your throat out like Patrick Swayze in “Road House”.
Phil: Oh, my God, you and “Road House”. Get over that movie. It sucked then, it sucks now. The only movie that sucks more is “Sixteen Candles”.
Bob Stone: How dare you.