Hardware (1990)

STORY – 0
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 0
MUSIC – 1
CULT – 0

 

 

VERDICT – 2/5

 

 


PROS –
1) A scrap experimental combat robot capable of self-repair comes back to life and goes on a violent rampage in an apartment
2) “The Order Of Death”
3) A post-apocalyptic plot with Cassette Futurism set-up and synthwave soundtrack. The RJ Angry Bob on radio gives great dystopian insight.

 

 

CONS –
1) Most of the movie is inside an apartment with dark lighting. The entire M.A.R.K. 13 cyborg is a Terminator rip-off.

 

 

QUOTE –
Angry Bob: This is Angry Bob, the man with the industrial dick, coming to you loud and clear on W.A.R. Radio with the good news and the bad news. Bad news is the heatwave’s not going to let up. It’s expected to hit ninety downtown before nightfall, although weather control keeps promising that rain is on the way. The foul up on the launch pad at terminal eight doesn’t look like it’s gonna clear for another half hour and holiday air traffic is still stacking up over the CBD and all outlying districts. But traffic control promises that if you all keep cool they’ll get you home in time for Christmas. As for the good news – There is no fucking good news! So let’s just play some music!

The Spy Who Came in from the Cold (1965)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 1

 

 

VERDICT – 4/5

 

 


PROS –
1) A meta spy-thriller beyond the guessing capacity of viewers. The lead characters of the story are a merely expendable pawns in the great game.
2) MI6 plant their agent Leamas in HVA to implicate a German officer (Mundt). But in reality, Mundt is himself an MI6 informant, and the entire plan was to get rid of another German officer (Fiedler) as he was getting too suspicious of Mundt. Leamas and his lover Nancy were just small cogs in the grand spy machine.
3) Richard Burton’s final angry monologue on espionage to Nancy was just brilliant.
4) Leamas‘ final decision of not jumping the wall to safety signifies his exhaustion from dreadful spy-games.

 

 

CONS –
N/A

 

 

QUOTE –
i)
Alec Leamas: I reserve the right to be ignorant. That’s the Western way of life.

ii)
Alec Leamas: What the hell do you think spies are? Moral philosophers measuring everything they do against the word of God or Karl Marx? They’re not! They’re just a bunch of seedy, squalid bastards like me: little men, drunkards, queers, henpecked husbands, civil servants playing cowboys and Indians to brighten their rotten little lives. Do you think they sit like monks in a cell, balancing right against wrong? Yesterday I would have killed Mundt because I thought him evil and an enemy. But not today. Today he is evil and my friend. London needs him. They need him so that the great, moronic masses you admire so much can sleep soundly in their flea-bitten beds again. They need him for the safety of ordinary, crummy people like you and me…

Nan Perry: You killed Fiedler!

Alec Leamas: How big does a cause have to be before you kill your friends? What about your Party? There’s a few million bodies on that path!

The Terror of the Tongs (1961)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 1

 

VERDICT – 4/5

 

 

PROS –
1) Captain Sale is looking for his daughter’s killers in 1910 Hong Kong, ruled by secret Red Dragon Tong crime family.
2) It’s amusing to see many British actors playing Chinese characters.
3) Christopher Lee as Chung King is at his evil best. He’s not an ordinary villain but a man of strong principles who decided to sacrifice himself instead of abandoning his den. Milton Reid as his silent henchman is equally intimidating.
4) Yvonne Monlaur as Lee is almost unrecognisable in her mixed-race avatar playing the femme fatale.

 

 


CONS –
N/A

 

 


QUOTE –
Chung King: He that loves pleasure shall by pleasure fall.

Zulu (1964)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 0
ACTOR – 0
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 1

 

VERDICT – 2/5

 

 

PROS –
1) An outnumbered British Army’s regiment facing an attack from Zulu warriors and their undaunting spirit. The best aspect of the movie is the scenic battle location i.e. Rorke’s Drift

 

 

CONS –
1) Even with an epic length and huge battle sequences, the movie is hardly passionate. Audiences can barely feel attached to any character.
2) We find shallow character development and poor acting. The grand battle of relentless attack by the Zulu deserves better treatment.
3) Even Kesari (2019), depicting a similar battle against odds, looks more vigorous.

 

 

QUOTE –
Colour Sergeant Bourne: It’s a miracle.
Lieutenant John Chard: If it’s a miracle, Colour Sergeant, it’s a short chamber Boxer Henry .45 caliber miracle.
Colour Sergeant Bourne: And a bayonet, sir, with some guts behind.

Black Mirror (Season 2)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 1

 

VERDICT – 4/5

 

 
PROS –
1) “Be Right Back” – A dead man recreated as an identical android whose behavior is based on his social media activity.
2) “White Bear” – A dystopian world where a “Justice Park” is executing daily psychological torture of criminals for the amusement of visitors.
3) “The Waldo Moment” – People disillusioned from the democratic system relying more on a computer-animated character than a live politician. We see something similar in Volodymyr Zelensky winning the 2019 Ukrainian presidential election.

 

 

CONS –
N/A

 

 

QUOTE –
Jack: Look we–we don’t need politicians, we’ve all got iPhones and computers, right? So any decision that has to be made, any policy, we just put it online. Let the people vote–thumbs up, thumbs down, the majority wins. That’s a democracy. That’s a–that’s an actual democracy.
Jamie: So’s YouTube, and I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but the most popular video is a dog farting the theme tune to Happy Days.

Jane Eyre (2011)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

 

VERDICT – 3/5

 

 

 
PROS –
1) The tragic life of an orphan called Jane Eyre who lost her parents in her childhood; treated badly by her aunt who eventually sent her to a charity school for orphans where she suffers more torments from over-strict masters. Finally, she found love, but her misery continues when she discovers at the wedding altar that the man she loves is already married to another woman.
2) Christian morality remains the primary theme of the story. The titular character shows mercy to her aunt at her deathbed by forgiving her. Even after inheriting a fortune from her dead uncle, she decides to share her inheritance among the missionary siblings who gave her shelter. The climax shows her true love to Edward when she accepts him even when he’s a blind man.

 

 

 
CONS –
1) Among various classic novels, this is not a story that survives the test of time. The entire self-sacrificing character of Jane Eyre seems unrealistic at this time.
2) Cary Joji Fukunaga possibly made the best movie adaptation of this novel, but still the story is dated and overall it’s boring.

 

 

 
QUOTE –
Jane Eyre: Am I a machine without feelings? Do you think that because I am poor, plain, obscure, and little that I am soulless and heartless? I have as much soul as you and full as much heart. And if God had possessed me with beauty and wealth, I could make it as hard for you to leave me as I to leave you… I’m not speaking to you through mortal flesh. It is my spirit that addresses your spirit, as it passes through the grave and stood at God’s feet, equal. As we are.
Rochester: As we are.

A Shot in the Dark (1964)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

 

VERDICT – 3/5

 

 

PROS –
1) A bumbling, clumsy, and nincompoop French police officer investigating a murder case leading to hilarious situations.
2) Peter Sellers as Jacques Clouseau gave an excellent performance as expected.

 

 

CONS –
1) The comedy is often slapstick in nature.

 

 
QUOTE –
Clouseau: The murderer was after me. Fortunately, he missed.
Dreyfus: ‘Fortunately’ is not the word!

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 1
CULT – 1

 

VERDICT – 5/5

 

 

PROS –
1) Four friends trying to pay off their debt of £500,000 to a crime lord, led to a fiasco involving various parties fighting for weed, cash and two antique shotguns.
2) British-humour.
3) A good collection of songs in the soundtrack. “The Payback” by James Brown was played at just the right time.
4) Almost all characters are distinct with their own colorful antics.
5) Hilarious cliffhanger climax.

 

 

CONS –
1) Ruined for anyone who’s already watched Phir Hera Pheri (2006). The Bollywood version has the audacity to copy the story without giving any credit to Guy Ritchie.

 

 

QUOTE –
Barry the Baptist: When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop.

Hellraiser (1987)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 1

 

VERDICT – 4/5

 
PROS –
1) A mysterious puzzle-box which summons demonic creatures, and open doors to different dimensions to interested explorers.
2) The make-up of Cenobites & creatures from other dimensions is noteworthy. The highlight is the gradually restoring body of Frank after devouring every victim.
3) The movie focuses on the mishap of the Cotton Family rather than getting into the mythology of Cenobites or the puzzle-box.

 

CONS –
N/A

 

 

QUOTE –
Frank: Jesus wept.

Tales from the Crypt (1972)

STORY – 1
DIRECTOR – 1
ACTOR – 1
MUSIC – 0
CULT – 0

 

VERDICT – 3/5

 

 
PROS –
1) Stories of 6 different people who “died without repentance”, and finally a warning to the audience in the end.
2) Wish You Were Here: The tale of a Chinese statuette granting 3 wishes to the owner but with severe consequences.
3) Blind Alleys: Blind residents took revenge from their tormentor using his own dog in the most brutal way.
4) Poetic Justice: Arthur Grimsdyke (brilliantly played Peter Cushing) comes back from the dead to avenge his enemy.
5) Opening Credits: Toccata and Fugue in D minor by Bach

 

 

CONS –
1) Out of 6, the first 2 stories were just passable.

 

 

QUOTE –
The Crypt Keeper: Who’s next? Perhaps… you?